Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, my fellow crawlbots…

Wendsday, eimann and I planned to go to Frankfurt Main, to move erikson.rrbone.net from Netdirekt to another location. We planned to rent a car for that action, start at Wesel at around 13 o’clock and arrive in FFM at late afternoon. We wanted to move the server, head for Courg and meet inoad there Thursday morning. So we started to the reantal corp “Europcar” in Wesel to pick up the ordered Golf 5 TDI… but suprise!! As always, murphy strikes back and tricks you… so we got a Mercedes A170 drinking… Super (indtead of diesel)! We previously measured the length of our trip with 1300km so the difference of a 4.5l/100km Diesel among a 9l/100km Super car was obvious and much to big (4.59€/100km < -> 10.80€/100km, 1300km trip -> 59.67€ < -> 140.40€)

We did all the work we had to do in FFM and it all went good, apart from some difficulties with one of those Promise FastTrack SATA Crap Controllers.

After yesterday then, on the way back, we (for her) surprisingly visited inoad at home. It was a great day, talking, cooking and having fun, but even a short one. It was the fist time I ate Tofu… but now that I know how tasty it can be, I will overthink fighting it on Mailinglists so hard. Thank you Ino, it was a lot of fun

Now its way to hot outside… inside its way to hot, too, but not as light as outside . I’m laying around here and i’ve got nothing to do currently.

I thought that it would have gotten better with me and my feelings… I thought that I were able to start over new… with new hope and new feelings for another person, but it seems I was wrong. The noteless they went away the last weeks, the haunting they came back… and why? I don’t know. How cruel can a feeling be, that it sneaks up to you silently and knocks you down when you just thought “Hmm. I might be out of this phase soon”… but its not a phase. The day before yesterday, I was sitting in the kitchen and there were strawberrys in a small bowl on the desk. I had to think about the last summer, when I and Caro were sitting there, dipping strawberrys into a dish filled with sugar. That day was the last day I remember myself being happy and I remember that I hoped this happyness would just go on some time. But it didn’t. And so I sat in the kitchen before I had to move on to work, fighting my tears, because of this memory, thinking that these moments will never come back again. That really made me mad. I took one of these Strawberrys, dipped it into the sugar-dish and felt like back then for a moment, crying terribly.
It’s like I’m fallling in love with her again, everytime some memory comes up my mind. Its not very nice to feel like that. (I don’t think a blog is the right place to discuss such a thing, but I have to talk about it to SOMEONE!. I can’t take it anymore. If she still doesn’t care, its all over and I don’t think, that I’ll be able to love again that quick. Its… just *argh* )

(What would happen if you read this caro? I’m really wondering)

“The most beautiful stars are the ones we’ll never reach” … see you all

I’m sorry that I didn’t write anything lately. I moves my whole stuff to a new server and a friend of mine was a bit too slow with moving my domain for this blog. Its a shame but I’m back again.

There are some news. Its a free day tomorrow, but i have to work. Lord have mercy… we have 41 systems to be installed with Windows XP… it was planned that it should be Ubuntu Linux, but one of my bosses changed it, because he feared that the customers would be unable to use it… i disagreed, but he decided and thats undiscussable to him. Sad Sad. But work is there to be done, so thats not that bad.

I realized, that taking many things easier can make life a lot easier. That might sound trivial, but it isn’t for me. I used to consider everything twice, not evaluating if it matters to me or if it are just other peoples problems. I decided not to think about everything, but just taking them as they are. I hope it will make things easier. But I will not forget the things, that concern me and my friends and I hope I will never stop to consider the important things carefully.

I talked to my cousin about reallity and dreaming. She said that drifting away in oneselfe’s thougts might be dangerous. I don’t think thats true. There are many situations we can’t take without dreaming or taking the reallity less serious. I think we should more often rely on our dreams and drift away, while thinking how it would be. But I hope that i’ll never loose the track of reallity in my life.

Apart from that it’s quiet around me. I feel a bit lonely currently and its really cold. My days are very boring, and remind me of the default phrase of one of the xsceensaver modules: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”…
Its no new people, apart from the customers I meat. No new feelings, apart from the many small injuries on my hands, no new thougts, apart from the few I talked about before… and no chance in sight to change that. I can just hope that moving to Oberhausen will change that.

So … if you are a star, don’t hide… let me find you.

Your starseeker