I thought that it would have gotten better with me and my feelings… I thought that I were able to start over new… with new hope and new feelings for another person, but it seems I was wrong. The noteless they went away the last weeks, the haunting they came back… and why? I don’t know. How cruel can a feeling be, that it sneaks up to you silently and knocks you down when you just thought “Hmm. I might be out of this phase soon”… but its not a phase. The day before yesterday, I was sitting in the kitchen and there were strawberrys in a small bowl on the desk. I had to think about the last summer, when I and Caro were sitting there, dipping strawberrys into a dish filled with sugar. That day was the last day I remember myself being happy and I remember that I hoped this happyness would just go on some time. But it didn’t. And so I sat in the kitchen before I had to move on to work, fighting my tears, because of this memory, thinking that these moments will never come back again. That really made me mad. I took one of these Strawberrys, dipped it into the sugar-dish and felt like back then for a moment, crying terribly.
It’s like I’m fallling in love with her again, everytime some memory comes up my mind. Its not very nice to feel like that. (I don’t think a blog is the right place to discuss such a thing, but I have to talk about it to SOMEONE!. I can’t take it anymore. If she still doesn’t care, its all over and I don’t think, that I’ll be able to love again that quick. Its… just *argh* )
(What would happen if you read this caro? I’m really wondering)
“The most beautiful stars are the ones we’ll never reach” … see you all