Hi… this is Hyatt again… we guess you’ve already forgotten us. Since we have been very busy, we could not write anything! We improved our roots to fill the whole bottom of the vase we’re in. Isn’t that great?! We also made our leafes grow. Perhaps our lazy master is able to give us some fresh water this time, cause this would be great and refreshing.
Farewell… Hyatt
… I am sitting here, watching the walls, waiting for nothing particular to happen. I am feeling worthless and if you would ask me for something, that fills my inner soul with the courage to go on, the answer was “First, the vague supposition, that I am needed by someone… second, the smile from the day before yesterday”. I’m feeling terrible… that must be the feeling, if something leaves you and leaves behind a big hole when theres nothing to fill it with. Why are there holes anyway? Perhaps, they let us realize, that something is missing… A song by Garbage says “…there is a hole inside my heart, where all of my love comes pouring out.”. If I remember correctly, its “Nobody loves you”. How interesting… *sigh*
I sometimes think, what might be, if I weren’t alone… what would I do? With whom would I be? When I do that, I often get very melancholic and quiet. Yesterday, while driving the last damned screws into a system, I had to build (I again was alone at the shop) the doorbell rang and a customer entered the shop. I was just thinking about all that stuff, that goes through my head these days and thereby very apathic. I walked through that green curtain, that divides the room into a shop area and a personell only work area. Then I saw her. She was standing there, gazing out of the window with her cute little head and didn’t notice me a few seconds. I welcomed her and asked, how I could help her. She smiled at me and asked for floppies. Sadly, we didn’t have any left and I searched the whole shop for some old and used ones. I found 4 and handed them out to her, what made her smile even more (with a gratefulness that i’ve never seen before). She thanked me and, after asking if she could bring her PC for a checkup, left the shop. I was smiling the whole rest of the day (and so it was very fine).
She seemed some years older than I am… and even if she comes back, there is no use of dreaming of her, but I just want to thank that strange girl for being there yesterday and make my day shine. She might have been one of those people, that visit you in the moment, when you are in the worst mood. She might have been one of the stars, I’m looking for.. maybe even more than that. Those rare moments are those, I’m living for, that make me smile again and give me the courage to go on.
These moments make me think about, if it was just a coincedence or if it was something else, whatever. Its strange… really strange.
When I walked home form work today, I had my iPod on again and was walking through the park while listening to Keane. I had the volume at max and although I was walking very slowly I approached a girl (about my age) and her granny, who were waling in front of me. When I was about 40m behind them, the girl turned around, looked at me and said something to her granny, she also turned and looked at me. Both stopped walking and waited until I had passed them. Then they walked on. While I was walking, I looked at the girls face… she was crying and her eyes were red, cause she reamed here eyes very much. I was sorry for her and I must have made a very strange look. She looked away and I walked on. I am still sorry for her…
In this situation, there were two questions on my mind. The first one.. why was that girl (she looked very nice, she had a beautiful face and you would perhaps also hate, to see her cry) crying? The other one… why did they stop and let me walk on by?! Do I have a THAT scary face? … sad. I know, that I should not care that much about the problems of people, I don’t even know but its something I seem to be helpless against… I am scared of breaking myself with that attitude… infixable… invisible, but feelable.
The light of the brightest star can’t reach you, if it is too far away.
See you all… the Starseeker
