…and it just started. In the last year while I was working for that beautiful company ™, my impression of a weekend was massively revolved. Now, my week goes from Tuesday to Saturday and my weekend starts Sunday and ends Monday, if it starts… because sometimes, as you might guess, it doesn’t start at all. The current week seems to get a mess. Its hard to define, why I think so, but I do. Today, I got nothing done at the company and even if all the things I hoped for (not quite all but all material things) arrived already today, I feel like the whole me is missing. It has nothing to do with the weather and it keeps that way since about 5 Weeks now. Feeling tired, when getting up and going to bed, perhaps, might be normal, but feeling tired all time between, perhaps isn’t that well. I don’t want to be tired all along.
The last 3 nights, I closed the blinds… it’s been a while, since i’ve done that but my sleep was great. I hope it gets better with my current situation while I sleep. The dreams I dream at night speak a different language, than the things, that happen to me during the days. They give me the hope to go on. And my trust into dreams and their message starts to come back… the fear steps back further and further and thats a goot thing to feel.
If you don’t remember or don’t know, there is something you have to know, to understand, why I was afraid of dreams and still am a bit. There was a time, when my dreams were very realistic and seemed like the days I lived. In one dream, a good friend of mine committed suicide, right in front of me. She jumped down a tower in a big big forest. Two weeks later, I got a letter from her mother, telling me, that she had commited suicide… she jumped out of the window of their flat. Thats why… and even if it sounds easy to overcome… it was very much a shock for me.
Since that time, i’m writing poems, to get rid of those latent thoughts… that might crystalize in dreams like those.
See the stars, until we meet again.
The Starseeker